Ebonics pisses me off

The idea of declaring “Ebonics” a language pisses me off in so many ways.

Naming it “Ebonics” for starters, makes it a racial issue. Hey, you want to learn a racial language? Learn Afrikaans. Or Swahili.

Ebonics isn’t a language, it’s just bad English. It’s poor black kids who grew up in uneducated homes (no doubt as a lasting effect of slavery) speaking improper English. Yes, in spite of the fact that they have an opportunity for an education (even if, in many cases it’s not a less-privileged one) they don’t pay attention in school, don’t do their homework, and don’t learn English. It’s more important in “the hood” to speak like a “hard-ass gangsta”.

But taking a broken education and trying to have that declared an “official” language is a copout. It was never going to work, because in order for it to be declared a language there would have to be rules, and the whole point of that broken ghetto language is that it intentionally breaks the rules. It’s like a big, black, middle finger.

But what I really want to know is, why hasn’t it ended? All the alliteration and “def jam poetry” of Jesse Jackson, Luis Farrakhan, and Malcolm X got them nowhere. When Al Sharpton started speaking English, his popularity grew. And today, we have a black President… but it should be noted that he only speaks English. He studied instead of dealing drugs. He went to Harvard and became a star attorney.

The “black communities” got mad at Bill Cosby when he said black people should stop trying so hard to be “black”, and just start being “people”. Well, that’s sad. He was right.

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Wow. Talk about prescient.

Tuesday, when I wrote about how Microsoft still doesn’t get it, I was talking about their ridiculous new XBox prototype which takes all the meaning out of being a video game nerd. How could I have known that the next day, they were going to publicly launch a… get this… a search engine.

That’s right. Microsoft is going to try to conquer Google, by playing Google’s game, on Google’s terms, in Google’s market, in the uphill battle against name recognition. In a world where “google it” has become the English language equivalent for doing an online search, Microsoft has decided to invest one hundred million dollars into Bing.

Bing. Yes, it’s called Bing. And I can’t help thinking there’s a “Bing Is Not Google” acronym hiding in there. Dude, you can’t beat Google by naming your web site after Google!

Well, whatever. As Mark Hurst puts it:

Everything Microsoft has tried recently hasn’t worked. They tried the “I’m a PC” ads, a knockoff of the Mac ads - didn’t work. Tried the Zune, a knockoff of the iPod - didn’t work. Tried redoing MSN Search again and again, as a knockoff of Google - didn’t work. What’s the world coming to, when Microsoft can’t build a monopoly around a knockoff?

It’s those effing customers. They keep choosing the best experience.

So we’ll see the MS hype for five minutes. All the nerds will try Bing for the next week. But in the end, we’ll all be using Google.

But at least Microsoft is doing something to stimulate the economy.

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Let’s talk about abortion

Popular wisdom in our culture is that abortions occur primarily among atheists and other Godless heathens. Statistics, however, reveal this to be a myth.

Women identifying themselves as Protestants obtain 37.4% of all abortions in the U.S.; Catholic women account for 31.3%, Jewish women account for 1.3%, and women with no religious affiliation obtain 23.7% of all abortions. 18% of all abortions are performed on women who identify themselves as “Born-again/Evangelical”.

Always contradicting themselves, the religious want us to believe that abortion is evil, even though the overwhelming majority of people who get abortions are religious!

So how do we explain that? Well, it’s simple. When you openly acknowledge what you’re doing — instead of hiding it — you can do it in an informed and responsible way. In other words, use birth control to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

On the other hand, when you’re hiding what you’re doing, you certainly can’t be seen buying condoms, or getting birth control pills. And when you end up pregnant, you have to cover it up so mom and dad and the rest of the church don’t find out, so you get an abortion.

If all these religious assholes would stop being so “high and mighty” and just start being honest with each other and the rest of us, we could get the unwanted pregnancies under control, and then abortion would be a non-issue.

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Microsoft still doesn’t get it

I wonder if Microsoft will ever learn. Probably not.

These guys have a history of never doing anything new. They see what others are doing, and they try to recreate it. They overload their copy with tons of extra features, and then they claim theirs is the best.

They’re too close to the technology. The brains at Microsoft design things that other brains can operate — devices laden with options and features, designed for power users, as if everyone in the world were a power user.

Microsoft saw the MacOS and gave us Windows. Microsoft saw WordPerfect and gave us Word. Microsoft saw AppleWorks and gave us Excel. Microsoft saw Netscape and gave us Internet Explorer.

Now I know what you’re thinking: Windows, Excel, Word, and IE are all successful products. Yes, but they’re all worse than the products they copied. Microsoft’s success on these products was built on the strength of their market share, not on the quality of the products. Those products succeeded by brute force marketing tactics, not by innovation.

You don’t believe me? Microsoft saw the iPod, and gave us the Zune. Oops. Microsoft saw the Playstation and gave us the XBox. Oops. Granted, in the case of the XBox, their R&D team added value in the followup: the XBox 360 actually innovated.

But now Microsoft sees the Wii… and in typical Microsoft fashion, they’ve decided to try to kill it with brute force. Just have a look at what Microsoft has planned for their next game box.

No controllers? Body recognition? Perhaps the marketing guys who made that video never considered that a fat guy can’t jump like a skinny kid. If fat guys and skinny kids and nerds and athletes and cripples could all do the same things, they would be out there in the real world competing at them.

The reason kung-fu games are popular is because they give fat guys and skinny kids a way of being the badass that they’ll never get to be in real life. It doesn’t matter what your genes are — as long as you have the capacity to press buttons with your hands or feet or whatever, you can become a martial arts master, or ride a snowboard, or drive a Ferrari, or kill terrorists. No exercise or special diet necessary.

Hey, Microsoft! Go ahead and release your “Wii killer”. You’ll learn a really valuable lesson. Or, more likely, you won’t learn a thing. You never have.

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The fallacy of fundamentalism

Fundamentalism is flawed. It simply can not work. Why? Because it at it’s very core, it is an ideology that ignores change. It ignores progress.

Let’s think about that for a second.

If we were talking about religious beliefs, fundamentalism would mean strict adherence to the ancient teachings of their particular belief. For Christians, that would include killing your own children when they misbehave!

If we were talking about government, fundamentalism would mean strict adherence to the documents upon which your government was founded. For Americans, that would mean that black people were only 3/5 of a person, and women couldn’t vote.

But why stop there? Let’s also apply fundamentalism to sports. It would mean that football players wore leather hats and no pads, and that boxers didn’t have gloves. Examples like these really start to make it clear how ridiculous fundamentalism sounds.

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Press 1 for English

Okay, so I’ve heard my fill of “conservatives” bitching about the “press 1 for English” that we hear on so many phone systems today. They all have the same argument: “if you’re gonna come to my country, at least learn the language.” At the end, you can almost hear them thinking “you dirty Mexican.”

But then these very same hypocritical, bigoted assholes are the ones from whom I receive emails saying “can u hlp me plzzzz? idk how to do smth. thx!”

Okay, redneck, let’s talk. All those foreigners who come here are learning English. They already know one language, and they’re busy learning another. But you were born here, asshole. You’ve been here your whole life. What’s your excuse? Eh?!

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Yahoo Answers

I’ve recently found that answering language related questions on Yahoo! Answers helps me to learn more about the languages I study. But curiously, the section containing languages is directly adjacent to the inflamatory section about religion, so I notice an immense, impotent religious war going on there.

Perhaps the single busiest section of Yahoo! Answers (except for the “I think I’m pregnant” questions) is this ridiculous insult war between religious and non-religious people. As if they believe that flooding Yahoo! with their side’s propaganda will somehow ultimately defeat the opposite side.

Get a life.

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iPhone self portrait



iPhone self portrait, originally uploaded by bbqiguana.
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Beginning to look like winter



Beginning to look like winter, originally uploaded by bbqiguana.
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Photography in Millenium Park



Photography in Millenium Park, originally uploaded by bbqiguana.
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